Story:Pat's Pit Podcast: Narkissa Kassius

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Pat's Pit Podcast: Narkissa Kassius
Written by JWolfman

Pat McGriffen: “Welcome to Pat’s Pit, your number one sports podcast right here in Ewetube, and as many of you know, I’m currently in location at Huntsville, Alabama for the Furry Basketball Association’s All-Star Week and boy do we have a special guest for you! She has been in the FBA since 2012, earned Sixth Fur of the Year in 2017 and won the championship that same year, League MVP in 2020, former 3-point contest winner, and is a five-time All-Star… ladies and gentlefurs, I give you, Narkissa Kassius of the Albany Alphas!”

Narkissa: “Thank you for having me here! I’ve listened to your show time to time but this is my first time here as your guest!”

Pat: “I really appreciate you taking the time to come here, as I’m sure you’re very busy with All-Star week, since not only were you voted in as a starter for the Eastern Team but you’ll be trying again for a second title at the three-point contest. With all that plus press conferences and interviews, how do you manage to keep sane amid all the chaos?”

Narkissa: “Well I have to remind myself that this is just All-Star Week, and my primary goal is to just have fun. Winning or losing isn’t really all that important for me, it’s really just for fun and entertainment for the fans. I mean without our fans, we wouldn’t have a league and so forth. So I try not to take things too seriously, as that’s for the regular season and playoffs as the games do count there.”

Pat: “When you were first drafted in 2012, what was your approach to the game and how does it differ to now, after everything you have accomplished so far?”

Narkissa: “Back then, I was a lot more unsure about myself and I felt a lot more pressure on my shoulders because this was a time before the FBA had the rookie Combine, and the player rankings were determined by various media but at the time, T. Matt Latrans’ ranking was considered the most influential and important, and I was ranked 9th by him. A lot of reporters asked me about my father, since he was in the FBA and was regarded by many to be a draft bust, and in a weird way, you could say I felt I owed it to my father that I’m even considering to be a player in the FBA because I became serious about basketball from an early age out of rebelling against my father. When I was drafted all the way down to 21st by the Spokane Rapids, many reporters felt that was due to the curse of my father’s name, but in hindsight, I’m sorta glad I was drafted that far back because I wouldn’t then have the pressure of performing like a top ten player, ya know? I played my rookie year with a chip on my shoulder because I didn’t want to end up a failure like my father was. I wanted to not only step out of my father’s shadow but to overtake it, because I wanted to physically show him that I’m a better player than he was, that basketball is actually the best thing for me, not the worst thing.”

Pat: “You struggled in your rookie season though, correct?”

Narkissa: “Yeah, my time in Spokane was never all that good. I was more than just benched, I was reserve filler and there were plenty of games when I didn’t even suit up for a game because the coach decided I shouldn’t be playing. I complained a lot because I felt people were ignoring me, and I eventually got traded to Edmonton. I didn’t even know about it until I saw my name in the official FBA feed in tweeter. So off I went to Canada, and the less said about my time in Spokane, the better.”

Pat: “So you were in Edmonton and playing for the Totems, you suffered that terrible injury in November of 2013… when Cletus Swinton was asked about the incident after the game, he reportedly said that you were too aggressive and that you were just reserve filler and shouldn’t be playing in the FBA anyway.”

Narkissa: “I first heard about that a few days after I was admitted to the hospital. I couldn’t believe it at first, and then I saw him say it on camera, and… I felt humiliated you know? Like how much of an asshole pig he has to be to say something like that about another player, and I heard it while laying on a hospital bed, too injured and weak to even get out.”

Pat: “That was nine years ago, and there’s a common saying that time heals wounds. If Cletus Swinton appears here right now, what would you say to him?”

Narkissa appears to pause for a good five seconds before she speaks.

Narkissa: “Am I allowed to say anything here on the mic? Or is this show for family audiences?”

Pat: “Well kids can listen and watch this show if they want but there’s no real restrictions--”

Narkissa: “Then I’ll tell him to go fuck himself and burn in Hell. That’s it. I don’t need to say anything else to him, I don’t give a shit anymore about him, and if he wants my forgiveness, far too late now.”

Pat: “Woof. Glad I don’t have him hiding backstage.” He laughs. “Of all the times you had as a player for Edmonton, what would be your best highlight?”

Narkissa: “Lets see. It was with the Totems when I really started to break out as a dependable bench player, went to the playoffs and the Finals for the first time, and they were the first team to give me an actual chance to grow my career… but best highlight? I was playing for Edmonton when I first started dating Yves.”

Pat: “How long ago was that?”

Narkissa: “Seven years ago. It basically started with a tweet.”

Pat: “A tweet! This whole thing with you and Yves Carbonneau started with a tweet?”

Narkissa: “Yep, he admitted that he had an attraction for me because of my red hair, and I spotted that tweet and that’s how it all started.”

Pat: “And not only did you two end up together for years but you will marry him.”

Narkissa: “Yes!” She laughs and shows off her engagement ring for the podcast camera. “We haven’t set an actual date for the marriage just yet but it will be sometime next year in 2023. I’m sure it’ll be a huge wedding, I will be inviting a lot of college and childhood friends and of course people I’ve known in the FBA, so expect a good amount of FBA players there also. So it’ll be a huge wedding.”

Pat: “Will you invite me?”

Narkissa: “Of course I will!” She laughs.

Pat: “At the time you started your relationship with Yves Carbonneau, the both of you were in opposing Canadian teams. Were there any hostility from fans because of that?”

Narkissa: “Oh yeah, yeah, that stereotype you hear about Canadians being all nice and stuff? That’s bullshit. They can be just as toxic and over-serious about sports as Americans can be. I’ve received actual death threats in the mail because I was dating a player in the ‘rival Canadian team’.”

Pat: “Death threats? Good lord.”

Narkissa: “Yves and I learned not to let it bother us. We have each other, and we depend on each other for support. Let the naysayers say whatever the hell they want, I’m bonded with Yves and he is with me, I’m going to marry him, and we’re going to grow old in love together for the rest of our lives, and that is just simple fact.”

Pat: “So after your time with the Totems, you signed with the Tallahassee Typhoons, a team that was and still is coached by Hildegarde Tetreault. What would you say your time with her was like?”

Narkissa: “Hmm… a roller coaster ride. I learned a lot from her, and at the same time she would sometimes frustrate me so much that I would be tempted to go straight to the General Manager and ask for a trade out of the team.” She laughs. “But seriously though, she pushed the team very hard and she pushed me very hard. No matter how hard I train, she would command me to train harder. It’s like nothing would satisfy her, and she would keep pushing and pushing and pushing and I became a better player because of it.”

Pat: “There was some controversy when she appointed you and Rosalie Smoot to be co-captains, since you were still mostly playing from the bench that year, in 2017.”

Narkissa: “Yeah, and I understand why people would be shocked or confused or even angry about that happening, especially since that meant the team’s star player Klaus Korber had to ‘step down’, even though he still remained as the key cornerstone for the team. I believe it’s because Coach Tetreault wanted more out of me and Rosalie, and when we accepted the responsibilities, she kicked our asses even more than the rest of the team. I ran more laps, shot more often in practice drills, and I wasn’t allowed to make as many mistakes as I used to.”

Pat: “During the 2017 FBA Finals against the Montana Howlers, you alternated between starting and coming from the bench, and you earned Player of the Game honors twice and scored the most points record for a FBA game at 42. And yet so many of us think about that Finals and think only about the very last second of the very last game, when Korber made that final shot that eventually injured him and ended his career. Do you feel slighted about that?”

Narkissa: “I used to but not really anymore. I’m okay with people just thinking about one moment that would describe an entire series of seven games, one second out of… how many minutes of game time?”

Pat: “Well I’m no math major but um… forty-eight minutes a game, for seven games… think that’s 336 minutes, yeah. If there’s no overtime.”

Narkissa: “Yeah, all those minutes and people only spoke about one second out of all those minutes. That’s fine though, really, cuz that one single second ended the entire series, ended with a championship, and it was the last second of Klaus’ stellar career. I have all the respect for Klaus, he was and still is a friend of mine and when I was playing with him, I often asked him for advice. My main regret was that he couldn’t celebrate in the locker room with his team… while we were festive about winning the championship, it was still a somber mood because Klaus wasn’t there with us.”

Pat: “When you signed to play for the Albany Alphas, there were some speculation that the edge that team had over the other teams that were interested in you was that they would build you a private pro wrestling ring and gym within their facilities. Is that true?”

Narkissa: She laughs. “Yes… that’s actually true. Of course the money played a part while Tallahassee is very sunny in comparison to Albany, I’m already used to cold weather due to my time in Edmonton.”

Pat: “About your pro wrestling, why did you choose that as a ‘side hobby’ outside of basketball?”

Narkissa: “It’s really more than just a side hobby, it’s a number of things to me. Basketball is my first passion, but pro wrestling is also way up there as something I take quite seriously. I went to pro wrestling school during the off-seasons, training the moves in the ring, and then finally became a co-owner of Crossroads Wrestling Federation based out of Phoenix, Arizona. It gave my agent and team managers headaches sometimes because of how risky wrestling can be, but whenever I was in the ring, everyone made sure that things don’t get too carried away in the violence and risk hurting me too much.”

Pat: “Hurting you… too much?”

Narkissa: “Look, pro wrestling is fake but only in a certain way in that it’s predetermined. My opponent really does punch me on the face, I feel the impact when I get kicked, and there’s no faking the pain I get when someone 250 or more pounds land on top of me from the top rope.”

Pat: “But why though? Why willingly go through all that pain?”

Narkissa: “Might as well ask that to any pro wrestler. Have a pro wrestler as your guest in the future and ask them that question.” She laughs. “But seriously though, I love pro wrestling and I enjoy being in the ring. It also keeps me very athletically fit too!”

Pat: “I’ve been hearing that after your retirement, you’ll be pursuing wrestling full-time?”

Narkissa: “Pretty much at the start, I’ll take over CWF as the sole owner and focus more on wrestling in the ring more often, now that I wouldn’t have any more FBA obligations. It’ll be my second career so to speak.”

Pat: “So not only are you going to control an entire wrestling promotion but also be marrying Yves… any future plans about children? I mean, since you’re a ringtail lemur and he’s a fox…”

Narkissa: “That’s… something I would rather keep private. Sorry!”

Pat: “Oh no problem! Um, so you’ve been active on Tweeter for years now, and every Tuesday, players tend to have this thing called TMI Tuesday, which you’ve participated in time to time. So how about we play a little game along those lines, right here in my Ewetube show? Something called Pass or Smash, you’ve heard of it?”

Narkissa: “Um… I never tried it but I know what the terms are so I think it’s obvious on what you’re thinking here, heh. Alright, go for it.”

Pat: “Okay! So… pass or smash, Dylan Redfield.”

Narkissa: “… At first I would smash but now… pass. He was actually my first FBA crush when I was a rookie, despite what he did to Shane Rufus, but those feelings has passed long ago.”

Pat: “Pass or smash, Derek Kim.”

Narkissa: “Hard pass.”

Pat: “… You’re not even gonna explain it? Alright, pass or smash, his teammate Sterling Bengtzing.”

Narkssa: “Pa....... smash.”

Pat: “Woah really now?”

Narkissa: “I wish I can explain but I really can’t. There’s something about him that… never mind, keep going.”

Pat: “Pass or smash, Leon Delmont.”

Narkissa: She laughs. “Isn’t he gay anyway? Um… eh, smash. Why the fuck not.”

Pat: “Pass or smash, Vera La Tierra.”

Narkissa: “She’s married!” She laughs. “But um… smash so very much.”

Pat: “Pass or smash, Ash Van Kant.”

Narkissa: “Ya know, he can be very annoying with the things he would say, but he’s a great player and really does have a kind heart… but um, pass.”

Pat: “Pass or smash, Hildegarde Tetreault.”

Narkissa pauses for a few awkward seconds before speaking, as if struggling on what to say.

Narkissa: “…….. pass. Too awkward.”

Pat: “And finally… pass or smash, Terry O’Toole.”

Narkissa: “Oh COME ON, you’re gonna go and do that to me?!” She laughs loudly!

Pat: “Will you answer it though?”

Narkissa: “Goddamnit… um. Paaaaassssss… I’m so sorry Terry.” She laughs again.

Pat: “At least we finished it, I had guests before that wouldn’t even go that far! Alright then, during every FBA Draft period, you would tweet out a video that you would claim to strongly recommend, year after year.”

Narkissa: “Yep, the ‘Broke’ episode that FSPN made. I consider it to be one of the most important episodes that they’ve ever done, and it’s very important for future FBA draftees to watch it. There’s a lot of people out there that look at these huge salaries that FBA and UFFL and so forth get for their players, and it’s easy to think that we have it so easy with all that money, but really there are a lot of pitfalls that comes with all that money. There’s taxes, there’s agent fees, there’s a constant line of people coming up with requests, investment ideas, and demands. It can be very overwhelming for someone that just came out of college.”

Pat: “What were some of the strangest requests or investment pitches have you gotten so far?”

Narkissa: “I had someone with an idea for starting up a food truck that only serves pork products and calling it Lemur’s Revenge.”

Pat: He laughs. “Wait what? Aren’t you a vegetarian?”

Narkissa: “Yep! I actually thought about it but I turned it down. I’ve had random people calling me claiming to be a long-lost cousin or nephew, people pitching me to invest in everything from tattoo parlors to software gaming companies. I came very close to actually agreeing to invest in a delivery-based meal company designed for vegetarians and gluten-free customers, but they wanted me to invest too much money into it and I eventually declined.”

Pat: “Now that you’re retiring from the FBA, what will you miss most about the league?”

Narkissa: “Hmm… the players I’ve worked with and against, primarily. The FBA has changed my life and played a huge part on who I am now, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I met Yves through the FBA, my life is secure because of the FBA, and I don’t call my retirement as an end but rather just the beginning of the next step in life.”

Pat: “You’re seriously going to retire after this season? You made the decision before you were voted to be the league MVP… you could have some really serious major offers from teams if you stay on as a free agent.”

Narkissa: “I made my promise and that’s to retire after this season, no backing out of it. One hundred percent promise.”

Pat: “Well I’m sure a lot of fans and the FBA will miss you after this season, I know I will.”

Narkissa: “Awww, that’s so sweet. I’m definitely going to miss the fans, playing with my teammates and the thrill of winning games and making good shots. But it’s time for me to move on, and I might as well do it while my body is still at its prime.”

Pat: “Good luck in the three-point contest and in the All-Star game, Narkissa. Thank you for taking the time to come in as our guest!”

Narkissa: “Thank you for inviting me! Love you all!” She blows a kiss to the camera.

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