2016 FBA Season/16.01.01/MON@HWI/Capsule
Guys, it’s a fact: playing pro basketball isn’t always as glitzy and desirable as it seems.
Put ten huge dudes on an FBA court, have them endure a grueling, blood-pumping cardio activity for fourty-eight minutes - and at some point down the line a whole lot of musk, and sweat, and stench, will be flying.
Now, guys I have talked with will tell you that the smell on many players isn’t always unpleasant per se (and therefore to be imputed to bad personal hygiene, or something) but it can be powerful and distracting nonetheless. Feral instincts can be hard to repress sometimes, and especially mustelids (whose four-legged brethren are known to use their musk to assert dominance) will tell you it’s remarkably easier than expected to let “it” go while deep inside the turmoil of battle. Unless, if you’re "Dirty" Doug Bentham (Weasel, G, retired) you just take it to the next level and use it to your own benefit to keep people off you.
Are you still with me? Well, take that piece of knowledge and apply it to last night’s Howlers-Kahunas match-up. Sterling Bengtzing (Marbled Polecat, C/F), LaShawn Grandon (Badger, F) and Wescot Yobia (Binturong, F/C) (binturongs pride themselves on their peculiar odor just as much as mustelids) against a combo formed from Hawaii’s big three of Scoonie Barrett (Otter, F/C), Zack Tate (Zorilla, C) and Alfie Norwich (Street Rat, F), who might be a rodent but definitely didn’t smell like air freshener last time I checked, plus Gerry Cross (Mink, F/C), Urayak Monogoyak (Wolverine, F) and Gary Ridge (Otter, G/F) – the latter doing his best to keep up his “game” from the sidelines.
As one of the top commenters on FSPN.com last night ever so elegantly put it down, “better bring the gas masks”.
It didn’t help that tempers were running high even before the players made their way out of the tunnel. Some rounds of good old trash talk and pre-game banter had been taking place on Twitter between Hawaii’s co-captain Scoonie Barrett, whose explosion to FBA superstardom has been one of the talks of the season so far, and promising Montana newcomer Sterling Bengtzing, currently in the top 10 rookies stats-wise and fighting with Arizona’s Morgan McCarthy (Bighorn Sheep, C) for best bigfur of the 2015 class. Bengtzing’s top dog attitude reportedly didn’t sit well with the lutrine from Michigan, who all but promised the polecat he’d be showing him “a first row view of my logo hair job anytime I go up for a dunk”.
Add all of these ingredients together, and you can guess how the game quickly turned from a regular confrontation to an experience to remember. Especially for the “lucky” fans occupying the expensive courtside seats.
It was war from the get-go, as a combination of baskets from Teo Masalia and Tate brought Hawaii up with a small lead. Bengtzing did his best to contain Barrett, and watchful eyes could spot the polecat blocking out with his elbows head high, often bringing his weasely pits in contact with the otter’s snout, just as the Hawaii bigfur flashed his own muscular rudder in front of Sterling’s nose. Grandon and Norwich traded painful jabs, all the while verbally taunting each other in a not too veiled effort to get into each other’s minds. Kresta Renstill (Silver Fox, G) and Julian Cross-Kiraly (Saluki, G), the only two canines on either roster, suddenly seemed to have a new reason to escape their opponent’s guard and fire their shots from afar – and they took full advantage of that, matching each other’s feats in a string of sunken threes.
Eventually, Montana seemed to surrender to Hawaii’s full-fledged aggression. Bengtzing proved no match for Barrett’s skills, and eventually paid the price of his unorthodox jeering as the otter rose up for a dunk directly in his face, using his webbed left paw to drive the polecat’s face into his body, all the while marking his basket as he hung on the rim by his right elbow and armpit. The rookie Howler seemed to relent his guard after that stunt, as the lutrine headed into a hot streak of 4-for-5 in the third quarter alone, putting the Kahunas up by 12 with twelve minutes on the clock.
The Howlers had a late rally in the last quarter and at one point seemed able to pull the comeback, as Renstill and Oriana Lowenthal (Gryphon, F/G) scored two back-to-back longballs. Yet shortly after, half of their backcourt was put down by slight injuries, and a late alley-oop from Norwich to a powerful, Kamikaze-worthy rim crusher from Tate sealed the deal in the islanders’ favour.
Scoonie Barrett was crowned Player of the Game with a double-double of 23 points, 10 rebounds, 1 assist and 2 blocks. The otter was truly pumped up in his post-game interview, letting a hint of cockiness show through his usually cool and collected exterior. “It was a huge game for us. Just huge,” he stated. “Montana failed to bring their A-game, and we took full advantage of that. That doesn’t make them less dangerous, though – I know they’ll be working harder than ever to get their revenge.” To the reporter who asked him whether the Howlers could actually have a fair shot at upsetting the Kahunas back in Billings, the otter flashed a huge, confident grin. “They’ll need a very lucky break,” he stated, much to the delight of the home press.
The beaten opponents had another opinion, and they didn’t shy from expressing it after it was all said and done. Lowenthal was quick to post on Twitter: “Hawaii takes round 1. Good game guys, but watch your tails. We're not going away anytime soon,”, and even Bengtzing had some powerful words for the Hawaiian franchise. “So far, Howlers are lit as all hell, watch that Conference title, blood, sweat, tears & life!”, was his remark, saluted around the web by a salve of retweets and faves.
What will going down in the yearbooks, though, were the words of Hawaii guard Julian Cross-Kiraly. “That game was insane, best so far! Kinda breathless though... phew…” Way to put an exclamation point at the end of such a heated and sweaty fight. Doubt the saluki is looking forward to their April 24 confrontation at Treasure State Arena…
At the end of the day, guys, it’s still a fact. Playing pro basketball isn’t always as glitzy and desirable as it seems…but the thrill of victory will always be worth it.
~G. Whitewater